Update

I haven't posted in a few weeks now.  I really haven't felt up to it.

A lot of family issues going on. Mainly, my grandpa has terminal cancer, and it's going to be a slow and steady decline.  At the time of my last post, he was in such pain from a tumor pressing on his spine that he could barely move and couldn't sleep.  It was truly awful.  Lots of tears all around.  Thankfully a round of radiation to treat those tumors has relieved some of the pain and given him back some of his mobility.

It has just been very tough.  On my whole family.  My grandpa is a guy who, at 83, was playing golf 4 days a week this past summer.  He was very active.  It's tough to see someone so lively be beaten down to such a degree.  And it all happened so quickly.

I worry now about my grandma.  She and my grandpa have been married for over 60 years.  They do everything together.  I worry how she will adjust after he's gone.  In her mind, she is still thinking that he is going to get better.  At least it seems after the last bad episode with the immense pain, they're both starting to realize they need to start preparing.

The recent activity has been a move to sell my grandpa's old car.  My grandpa was an electrician by trade who worked or Ford Motor Company for many years.  He has always been a car guy.  He bought a 1958 Mercedes 190SL in 1968, and has been working on it on and off ever since.  It was his big hobby piece.  He'd take a part of two and work on fixing it up or cleaning it up.  He's never really had the space or resources to do a full restoration on the car, but it's always been something he's enjoyed working on.  It's a difficult thing to watch him give up something he's worked so hard on for so long, especially when you know deep down he doesn't want to let it go.  But such is the reality of the situation.

The other difficult thing has been the pain management.  Which we know will be the main medical concern from here on.  The tricky thing is finding a balance between minimizing pain and minimizing the mental effects of powerful pain relievers.  For a while when the back pain was so bad, he was either in intense pain, or in such a haze from the drugs that he couldn't think clearly.  It's better right now, but I wonder how many good days will be left.

I went to a wedding out of town a few weeks back and saw a bunch of my friends from college who have had similar situations in their families.  It helped a lot to talk things out with them.  Cathartic even.  It's one of those things that happens late in life, and unfortunately I don't think this kind of situation is all that uncommon.  I empathize with anyone who's ever had a similar experience with a loved one.

I want to get back to posting regularly, and the usual posts, not this depressing stuff.  I just needed a break for a while to do other things and get my thoughts straight.