Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Search for the Aggro Crag: Nickelodeon GUTS

So now at a friend's behest
I share with you a lifelong quest
The object of childhood's desire
A rock, e'er-glowing with bright green fire

Spoils of the victor for athletic feat
A challenge never called to meet
A final test for the show's finale
With Moira Quirk and Mike O'Malley    

A burst of glitter, flashing lights
Note arrival to those hallowed heights
No chance to peak if you're a klutz
Of this be sure... that kid's got GUTS

D-D-D-Do you have it?

I wish I had.  When I was a kid, there was no greater test of athletic skill than Nickelodeon's GUTS.  Forget the Olympics, the World Series, the Super Bowl... my sports heroes were the kids who scaled the Aggro Crag.  Oh, the horrors they faced on that mountain.  Look at this madness:

The ultimate prize for these champions?

A piece of the very mountain they conquered.

Sadly I never made it on the show.  My first of life's many disappointments.  For years after the show was cancelled, I tried to put the Aggro Crag out of my mind.  Slowly it crept its way back in.  Thus began my search.  My grail quest for a piece of the Aggro Crag.

At first, mixed reports came in about the very existence of the trophy.  People claiming to have been contestants said they hoisted that glorious green rock on the stage, but only took home a medal.  Balderdash, I thought.  Surely Nickelodeon wouldn't deny these warriors their spoils.  As time went on, the reports stayed the same.  Could this really be?  There were only 126 winners on the show... maybe they just swore a pact of secrecy to protect their valuable treasure.  

I began to lose hope.  Occasionally I would find cheap reproductions on the interwebs.  Shoddy workmanship could never be confused with the true Aggro Crag.  My mind began to unravel. Did I imagine the whole thing?  Was GUTS ever even a show in the first place?  

After my stay in the institution, I got back to a normal life.  I won a silver medal in the 2006 Winter Olympics for the biathlon in Turin, Italy... but it was hollow.  It was no substitute for true athletic achievement.  It could not fill the void left by that mysterious green rock.  

I turned to drugs.  Freebasing rock chips of Olmec's face from Legends of the Hidden Temple, and snorting powdered slime from the Double Dare set.  I turned to a life of blogging...

Things looked bleak.

Then, a mere four weeks ago I came across this article 'How Much Can You Buy a Piece of the Aggro Crag from Nickelodeon's "GUTS" For?' Despite the poorly phrased title, I clicked and read the article.  


My lifelong suspicions were confirmed.  The piece of the Aggro Crag did exist.  And it only cost $1500!  A bargain.  Sadly I missed out on the bidding.

But hope has finally been restored.  If this fool could sell this most cherished of possessions, surely another will make the same mistake.  And when they do, I'll be there.

By the (now) bald scalp of Mike O'Malley I'll be there.


  1. haha look at the rhyme such a fun time, not getting on the show was a crime. You should blame a stinkin' mime. Admit I never heard of it though. But 1500 bucks wow, you'd pay that much for a piece of the hill?..haha

    1. Never heard of it? You sir, are missing out

  2. I nostalgia'd all over myself. I'm gonna need a shower. Also.. you must really want that chunk of mountain pretty bad, buddy. Preeeeeetty bad.

  3. Wow that is quite a lot. You should stalk it and see who wins and track them down. Remember, you have to EARN the aggro crag. You must take it from them.

    1. This is a great point. I have to defeat them in a test of skill. Maybe some sort of skiing/shooting competition...

  4. That's pretty neat reminds me of the guy who found 26 grand in a locked safe he bought on ebay

  5. Yep its silly. Olympic metals should go bronze silver gold platnum adimentium and then green Aggro Crag!

  6. whaaaat i don't remember this on nickelodeon, that trophy is selling for so much wow

  7. I miss these shows!!!!!!! The hidden temple was my favoriteeee!!!

  8. Sadly GUTS never got round to my country and so I never got to experience what it must've been like. I can vouch for Legends of the Hidden Temple though. That show was badass when I was a kid! Going through a river, answering trivia then making it to the temple. The ENVY I had when I watched that show with fervor. Hell I even made my own pendants with Olmec's head on them lol!

    The child in us never really leaves I suppose. Good luck in finding the green rock, I wish I had a real Olmec pendant though...

  9. to bad you had to miss out on the bidding, weird ive never seen the show, used to always watch nickelodeon

  10. Maybe in a few years someone will re-auction it and you can have a chance at getting it again. :)

  11. Oh man, I love Legend of the Hidden Temple.

  12. Wonder if it has lights in it!

  13. Hahahaha Build your own agro crag mountain with them!

  14. This is funny

    Also, I've never heard of this show and I know Legends of the Hidden Temple and Double Dare. When I read how many other people had not heard of this either I started to get a little creeped out. Do you remember a show called Candle Cove?

  15. I'm starting to think maybe GUTS didn't air outside of the US or something to that effect. Pretty sure it was a contemporary to Legends of the Hidden Temple, or just a few years before. Also the Candle Cove thing is some seriously creepy stuff.

  16. Wow that's epic, i hope the new owner is happy with it!